wedding bell blues: a bride without the bridal aspirations

Hello cuties! There's been a topic that's obviously been on my mind lately, thanks to some recent life events: wedding planning. Or, in my case, the lack thereof.

me every time someone mentions wedding

I promise I won't become one of those girls who talks about nothing but marriage and wedding stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'll never shame someone for being excited to tie the knot. I love seeing people happy! But I can't help rolling my eyes a little when I see a young woman go from being a whole human being to a Bride™. Suddenly, it's her entire personality. Every waking thought, every conversation, every decision somehow circles back to wedding, wedding, wedding. Sometimes, I swear you can practically see the light leave her eyes a little after the wedding is over. She's no longer Bride™; she's just Wife™ now.

Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic. I understand the joy and excitement of getting married, but I have one small problem: I genuinely do not want to walk down the proverbial aisle.

Buckle up, this is a long one. 

We've all heard the cliché that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day." There are countless TV episodes and movies about a bride getting her Perfect Day (and, of course, we can't forget the ever-present Bridezilla trope). I've just never been able to relate to that feeling. And I don't mean this in a "not like other girls" or "pick me" kind of way. I just literally have never wanted a wedding, not even as a little girl.

Honestly, the thought has always terrified me. I've never been a fan of being the center of attention. I stopped having birthday parties at a pretty young age because I hated the idea of everyone looking at me. Instead, I'd celebrate with a friend or two over dinner and a movie or have a nice family dinner. For milestone birthdays, we'd occasionally take a fun family vacation, which I absolutely loved. Give me an intimate gathering, a personalized experience, and memories I'll cherish forever, and I'm a happy girl.

And yes, the idea of a beautiful gown, gorgeous decorations, and a dance party with family and friends sounds lovely. I enjoy attending other people's weddings! But the thought of standing at an altar with everyone's eyes on me? My anxiety spikes just thinking about it. I know plenty of people consider the stress and the potential emptying of their bank accounts worth it for their dream day. Meanwhile, the ring is on my finger, and I still haven't felt the urge to call a wedding planner.

It's not even just the wedding itself. It's the entire wedding experience that comes with it. Sure, wedding dress shopping sounds like fun. I wouldn't necessarily turn down the opportunity to try on gorgeous gowns and pretend I'm in a montage from a romantic comedy. But beyond that? I'm struggling to find anything else that genuinely excites me.

Bachelor and bachelorette parties? Not really my thing. Bridal showers? I appreciate the concept, but I can't say I've ever fantasized about sitting in a room opening gifts while everyone watches. Bridesmaids and groomsmen? Well, my partner and I aren't exactly social butterflies, so assembling a wedding party would be less of a heartfelt reunion and more of a "who do we know well enough to ask?" situation. And that's before we even get to engagement parties, rehearsal dinners, and all the other events that apparently come with getting married.

It's not that I think any of these traditions are silly or that people shouldn't enjoy them. If you've been dreaming about your bachelorette trip since college and already know exactly who you want standing beside you on your big day, I love that for you! But I don't have that same excitement or a secret Pinterest board full of wedding-related plans. The whole thing feels like a checklist of events I'm supposed to look forward to simply because I'm engaged, and I can't help wondering if I'm missing a gene everyone else seems to have. I know, I know, these are all optional and most people cater their wedding plans to their exact wants and wishes. It's just overwhelming to think of all the hoopla surrounding a singular event. 

I should also mention that my partner doesn't want a wedding, either. We've talked about marriage throughout our relationship, and he's always felt the same way: a ceremony and reception just aren't for him. Perfect! We match each other so well.

Instead, we like the idea of a courthouse ceremony or elopement followed by a nice dinner. Maybe we'd use whatever money we would've spent on a wedding to take a memorable trip or invest in a future goal, like trying to buy a house in this forsaken economy. Sounds pretty good to me!

So, what's the problem?

Expectations.

In the short time since our engagement, we've already been asked about wedding planning, when the wedding will be, who's getting invited, and all the other questions that apparently come with putting a ring on your finger. Our parents clearly want us to have a traditional wedding, so the idea of us opting for a simple courthouse ceremony and dinner seems almost devastating to them.

Years ago, I told my mom that I couldn't see myself having a wedding. She got upset and insisted that I was going to have one. The irony? She didn't want a wedding for many of the same reasons I don't. She doesn't particularly enjoy celebrations where she's the center of attention, yet she couldn't understand why I had similar reservations.

Parents really do hate when we reflect their own traits back at them, huh?

I eventually snapped and asked if she planned on paying for the entire thing if she wanted me to have a wedding so badly. She said no, but apparently that wasn't going to stop her from practically demanding one anyway.

I can partially understand where she's coming from. I'm her only child, and I imagine there's something special about watching your one and only daughter get married. She wants to experience that milestone, and I don't want to dismiss what it means to her.

But at the end of the day, this is my life and my marriage, right? Shouldn't I get to decide how I want to celebrate it?

Instead, I find myself feeling like I'm disappointing people before I've even made a decision. My partner and I have started thinking about a possible compromise: we'd still have our courthouse ceremony, but we'd throw an intimate, reception-style party afterward to give our families a little of the traditional wedding experience they're hoping for.

Of course, that comes with a whole new set of questions. Should we invite just our parents? Our parents and a couple of friends? Do we extend invitations to the rest of the family? Like I said earlier, we're not exactly the most social couple so our guest list would probably be pretty small regardless. And since I've never hosted a gathering like this before, how the hell am I supposed to entertain a room full of people?

Ugh. I've stressed myself out just typing all of that.

The thing is, I'm genuinely grateful to have people who want to celebrate me and my relationship. I know that it comes from a place of love, and I don't take it for granted. It's sweet to know that people are excited about this next chapter of our lives.

But why does it feel so harsh to admit that I'd actually prefer to keep this milestone close to my heart, rather than turn it into a big production?

I don't want to spend my engagement stressing over a party I never wanted to throw. I don't want to make decisions based on what will make everyone else happy while quietly dreading the day itself. And I certainly don't want the start of our marriage to feel like a performance we're putting on for an audience.

Maybe we'll find a compromise that makes everyone happy. Maybe we'll stick to our original plan and let people have their feelings about it. We're still figuring things out, and I guess that's part of the process.

For now, I'm trying to remind myself that getting engaged doesn't automatically mean signing up for the full bridal experience. I'm allowed to be excited about marrying my soulmate without being excited about planning a wedding. I'm allowed to want what I want, even if that means being a reverse-Bridezilla. 

Because at the end of the day, I want to remember getting married as the beginning of our life together, not as the day I spent worrying about whether everyone else was having a good time.

And if that means skipping the aisle, the first dance, and the $30,000 party? Oh fucking well.

TTYL,

Eryn <3